I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Fuck appropriateness.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
