um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Sorry my hands just texted you
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
how does that bad decision feel?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
