I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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