he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Randomize
