i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
