Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I puked a lego.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
