at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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