Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
