do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
