you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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