I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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