I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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