I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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