So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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