The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
