She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
