gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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