Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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