i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
