How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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