the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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