Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
