there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
