hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
