when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
