Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It was like getting head from an anaconda
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
