i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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