If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she pinky promised me she was 18
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Such a big mess for such a small penis
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
