Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
