I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
