I think I died a long time ago.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
