fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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