omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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