I feel like I'm in dance class right now
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
