Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
