he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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