i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
