I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
