i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
