Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
