just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
