you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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