I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
