and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
