he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
