Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
sarcasm needs its own font
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Randomize
