He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
