I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
