Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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