Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
