rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
