im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
we're so committed to being not committed
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
