My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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