the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
where are my eyebrows?
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