Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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