last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
