OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
